Most of my life happened in my head. I’ve always been dreaming myself away, not having to face reality. Not having to think about what I want to do with my life.

Here I am. I know that I’m unhappy since I was 15 for not having a soulmate in my life.

I want one. I want him. For the rest of my life. A safe place that I can start from to explore the rush.

Vielleicht hätte ich mich auf’s Schreiben fokussieren sollen. Vielleicht bin ich aber auch noch nicht bereit. 50 shades of grey hat die Autorin erst in ihren Vierzigern geschrieben.

Worüber würde ich schreiben wollen?

Zerrissenheit. Sich verloren fühlen. Das eine aber auch das andere wollen. Nie genug. Oder zu viel.

Sind andere Menschen wirklich zufrieden mit ihrem Leben?

I am where I always wanted to be. Studying journalism. No es verdad. No lo queria de siempre. 

If I would have wanted that I would have done it sooner, right?

If I would really have wanted animals in my life I would have arranged my life around it, wouldn’t I?

Is there even anything in my life that is worth it to me? There’s nothing I ever wanted so much to make a compromise for it. And then again I give up on everything.

I would not want to move to GB in this situation for fucks sake. USA? Certainly not.

Frankly I guess I’m quite happy here. But then again I miss travelling. I want to go to France and Italy.

I’m quite the european girl I guess. I mean I would not say no if there were someone to take me to Bali or something. 

Reading is good. But oh writing it is. 

Writing is so calming, soothing. 

The problem has always had the same root. I can’t decide whether I like white or black. I want both. I want it all.

I like publishing and feedback. I don’t need the spotlight. 

Should I start a youtube channel?

„My life isn’t interesting enough“ is a lie. There a thousands of vloggers whose life ain’t better than mine.

I meet friends, go clubbing, I study, live in the city, holiday, city trips, animals maybe, nature

but then again „we don’t need another pointless blogger“

nobody cares. but nobody cares that nobody cares.

I never dreamt about a normal life. I was dreaming of a gossip girl life. Pretty dresses, big parties.

My life has never been enough for me. 

No matter which stage of my life I was in, it never felt enough and I’m not sure it ever will be.